teh PeReNnI4L nOOb

Life of a wanna-be uber-gamer.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Finding a Purpose

So like, yO, welcome back future pwned nOObs. Today, my fiend Steve asked me a good question, he said "like, nOOb, how will you know when you're an uber-gamer?" and I'm like "I don't know. That's a good question." Cause like, I hadn't thought that far ahead and all, I just woke up one day and knew I had to become uber cause like getting pwned all the time totally blows.

And so he got me thinking and then I realized that sure pwning multiplayer deathmatches and all would be cool but that's just a little server and like very few nOObs would know that I totally pwn. So like, I started searching Google, using keywords like "getting pwned" and teh first website I found was about sexual domination. So I'm like "OMGWTF it's gay prOn" and like I couldn't back out fast enough. So like I started over again and I tried Google's suggestion "Getting Owned" and like I found some totally lame media site, so then I tried teh next listing and like OMFG it's that gay prOn site again !!

So like, after that I needed to go do something masculine, to clean my thoughts you know. And so like I went outside and played fetch and stuff with my three tough, male dogs and all. And like we're having a good masculine time when suddenly one dog mounted teh other and started pwning him and I'm like "WTF!" so like I ran back in teh house and left them to their pwn gay prOn.

So I sat back down and started thinking again and like then it hits me, I said "nOOb, what defines a winner?" and I'm like "a tournament, nOOb". And so I Googled "video game tournaments" and eventually I came across QuakeCon and suddenly a light shined on me and like I totally knew what I had to do. I would go to this place in Texas and play against other nOObs and win big money and be known all around teh world as an uber-gamer.

So then I called Steve back and told him my plans, like next year I'm going to QuakeCon to pwn it and he's all like "what's QuakeCon?" and so I told him all about it and he started laughing. He's like "nOOb, you're the perenni4l nOOb you'll never rise above that, c'mon just give it up now" and I'm like thanks for teh support bitch! But it didn't hurt me 'cause deep inside you know, I can feel that I will start pwning nOObs soon and increasing my pwning skills so then I tell Steve "like talking to you is cutting into my training time" and so I hung up on him and went online to start my training and got totally pwned like a nOOb and I mean like never before. I figure it's because I have all this new pressure of becoming like the world champion or something. Yeah, that must have been it. I'll pwn tomorrow for sure.

Frag out!

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