teh PeReNnI4L nOOb

Life of a wanna-be uber-gamer.

Monday, November 28, 2005

FPS. Accept No Substitutes

So like welcome back fellow nOObs. Over teh holiday weekend my friend Steve asked me to try something other than FPS games and I was like "Why the @%$# would I want to do that?" but like Steve can be very persuasive when he cries and so like here's what happened.

So we started with an RTS game and at first it sounded cool cause like I could make WMDs and destroy other nations but something didn't feel right and it wasn't before long that it hit me and so I asked Steve "So like when do I get in teh game and start blowing some heads off?" and he was like "never nOOb, you command others what to do". So I was like "So this is like a squad-based shooter then?" and he said "No, nOOb! It's an RTS, you never get into teh game and shoot, you only tell others where to go and they do all teh killing." So I was like "WTF! That's lame! I want to see heads exploding and the enemy pleading for their life" and so like that was just too unfulfilling and so we moved on to another genre.

So like then we started playing this MMORPG and I created a stealth-type character. It would like hide in teh shadows and only come out to prey on its victims, slicing them to pieces; yeah, he was one badass killing machine. And so anyway, I like had to give it a name and so I named it "Wood Jablome". Well playing as that character didn't last too long cause like after an hour or so some nOOb admin interrupted Jablome's killing spree to say that my character's name was offensive. And I was like "WTF?!? This game's got closet homos running around with their characters virtually naked and posing to be females when they're NOT and MY character is offensive?!" So like I had to comply cause like he's an admin and all and so I changed teh name to "Harry Caulk" and like I still was being offensive or something cause that nOOb admin wouldn't go away until I changed that name too. So like I told him and Steve to keep their stupid lame game and went back to fragging with my latest form of crack: F.E.A.R. Oh and nOObs here's a tip for ya: don't take cover behind red barrels...they're explosive.

So once I got back to fragging I felt much better. And I gotta tell you there's nothing quite like looking down teh barrel of a high powered assault riffle and watching your opponent's head blow off, splattering against the wall and watching it slide down.

Frag out!

COMING SOON: FPS Traning Part 2: teh PeReNnI4L nOOb Goes Special Forces

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