teh PeReNnI4L nOOb

Life of a wanna-be uber-gamer.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

FPS Addiction

Hello fellow nOObs and welcome back. I've been away at FPS camp for the last ten days. And let me tell ya, days of getting pwned by 11 year olds is rough. The worst night was the first when one person from each "house" got hazed. So like nOObs here's a tip: rapid fire paintball guns from 30 feet in the hands of FPS nOObs are dangerous. I still cannot sit down without my tube.

The only bad part of FPS camp was the physical training. Fortuately I hit the gym the week before and got in some FPS training, so I was in better shape than most nOObs.

Now that I'm home I'm like all fired up and walking around the house with my mouse in hand at all times. Yeah, I developed that habit at FPS camp cause like everyone had to carry their mouse and if someone else took it from you like you totally lost FPS privelages for that day. Any way, my wife says I'm addicted to FPS games and I'm like "whateva you're just jealous cause like I got skills now."

So like because my wife pwns in Mortal Kombat and has developed these deadly skills and all she made me write this short list of ways how to tell a nOOb is addicted to FPS games. She like thinks this will help other nOObs' spouses see the signs and intervene before it's too late. Right, like a nOOb would choose a woman over Team Deathmatch.

Reason number three from my nOOb ass-kicking wife: nOOb jumps up and down and side to side thinking this will avoid the wife who's coming to tell him to take out the trash. Reason number two: nOOb goes to an FPS camp . And the final and number one reason you know your nOOb is addicted to FPS games is: nOOb shouts "BOOM CUM SHOT" during sex. Twice.

(There I wrote it you mean biatch now leave me alone...ouch sorry, I said sorry, OW OW OW) Gotta go nOObs, wife just ensured I'll never have kids.

Frag out!

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