teh PeReNnI4L nOOb

Life of a wanna-be uber-gamer.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

A Stripper, a Dollar, and a Cop

Welcome back fellow nOObs. So liek I don't remember much about this past weekend so Steve here's going to tell teh story this time. All I remember is playing Quake 4 for 14 straight hours and then going out to some bar. Steve, take it away.

"§0, £¡k€ |\|00b§ \/\/€'r€ |-|€r€ ¡|\| 7|-|€ |-|0§7p¡7@£--"

"Stop! Liek WTF are you saying, Steve?"

"I'm talking in leet-speak you idiot. Something you pretend to do every week but fail. You go on with your 'liek' and your 'teh' but that's amaturish and embarassing to watch you type--"

"Well liek how are the readers supposed to understand you? That's totally indecipherable you moron!"

"The cool, in-the-know readers will understand what I'm saying, and obviously you aren't one of them. b¡7ç|-|"

"Did you just call me a bitch? Nevermind, liek talk normal so teh fellow nOObs can understand."

"I will but I refuse to talk like you, I have an education you know. Any way, where was I? Oh yeah, so we're here in the hospital right now cause PN here fell down an up escalator in the subway. It was quite funny actually--"

"Glad my pain and suffering amuses you."

"Any way, you were running from a cop and that's when you fell down the up escalator, and eventually when I caught up I peeled your face from the steps and brought you here. I wanted to make sure you were okay and all, though it was amusing to watch your face get smacked by the bottom step and people step over you like you were a homeless person."

"Wait a second. Liek I was running from a cop. Why?"

"Oh yeah. After you got thrown out of the strip club you walked into the street, put your hands out as if you were going to make the next car stop, which happened to be a cop and lucky for you he did stop, and you begged him to arrest you. Man were you drunk."

"I liek begged a cop to arrest me?"

"Yeah, your exact words were 'Please aussifer, arreft me. I need a pwace to sweep.' The cop told you to sit down on the curb that he'd come back for you later because he was on a call. You told him to go @#%$ himself and that's when you picked up a can and threw it at his car. He stopped, we ran to the train station, and you fell down the up escalator."

"Wait, back up a second. Liek I got thrown out of a strip club. What teh hell did I do?"

"Apprently you'll do anything for a dollar. We had been drinking pretty heavily most of the night and as usual you ran out of money early. I swear if it weren't for me you'd have nothing. I've bought you so many--"

"Just get back to teh story. My head hurts and I need to get some rest."

"Any way, you were pretty drunk and hitting on all the strippers, this one really fat, ugly one in particular. She looked exactly like your aunt Bertha. The one that always comes to Thanksgiving, wears a bib and--"

"Her name is Jane and she's got a thyroid problem."

"Regardless, I bought many lap dances from your aunt for you, quite amusing to watch actually. I got photos on my camera phone too if you wanna see. Gonna cost you a lot to get them from me, though. So eventually even I ran out of money and had only a dollar left and that's when I bet you a dollar to take your clothes off and dance up on stage."

"I didn't."

"You did. I got photos of that too. And by the way here's the dollar I owe you. Any way, that's when you got thrown out."

"Ok, so explain what this writing is on my arm."

"That's your aunt's phone number. Apparently you two hit it off."

"That stripper was not my aunt gawd dammit!"

Frag out!

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